No one likes to think about their parents getting older and no longer being able to care for themselves. So even if you’ve noticed that your parents are requiring more and more help in order to live independently, you may tell yourself that it’s just a phase, or that it’s nothing you can’t handle. It may start off small enough: perhaps Mom needs you to drive her to evening events because her night vision isn’t great. Or your Dad needs your help managing the yardwork. But as the years go on, the occasional helping transforms into daily visits for increasingly basic things. Eventually, you realize that your loved one is only living independently because of the help you or someone else provides. 

If this is the case, assisted living may be the best choice for your senior parent – but this can be a hard situation to navigate, says Devon Sicard, Executive Director of Waterstone at Wellesley. “Older seniors often balk at moving into assisted living because they are worried that they will lose their independence. Actually, the opposite is the case. We’ve seen many of our residents gain back a lot of independence after moving into assisted living. However, the process can be hard, especially at first, because it’s the end of a chapter, and we as humans aren’t always great at that.”

If you’re an adult child with a senior parent, you may end up taking the lead on the move – from the initial impetus to the coordination of the whole thing. Devon says to remember to be kind to yourself and understand that this will be a process that is physical, emotional and mental. 

How Do You Know When It’s Time? 

There is no right or wrong time to move into assisted living, although generally it’s better to move before there is an accident or incident that necessitates a move into a community. However, there are signs that can signal that moving to assisted living would be beneficial for your parent, such as:

• Having more and more “close calls,” like falling down the stairs, visiting the emergency room, having fender benders or other worrying accidents or issues.
• Your parent’s appearance has suddenly changed, such as gaining or losing a lot of weight, suddenly looking disheveled or dirty or having difficulty getting around.
• Your loved one has become withdrawn or antisocial when previously they loved to get outside the house and meet up with friends and partake in activities.
• The house is starting to look more unkempt than typical – perhaps the inside has become dusty and dirty, or you’re noticing expired food in the refrigerator or cupboards, or the home or yard is looking run-down.
• Your loved one is having personality changes or showing signs of confusion, which could be due to a variety of things, from dementia to malnutrition to medication issues and others.

Having the Conversation

You may very well have to be the one who makes the move when it comes time for the assisted living conversation. Here are some tips to follow if and when it’s time for you to bring up the subject with your aging parent. 

• Bring it up casually. Perhaps the best way to approach the subject is to make it seem organic, not like something you’ve already thought about and planned. Get your parent or parents’ feelings and thoughts about the idea – and remember that this will be a string of conversations, not just one. However, making them feel like you’ve already decided on what needs to happen will only make them more liable to dig their heels in.
• Use “I” phrases. Bringing the concern back to your own personal feelings can be a great way to state your case. You can mention how you’ve heard your parent talk about being lonely, or you know how they hate dealing with home tasks, or other issues that they’ve complained about. This can help lead the conversation toward ways assisted living may be a great solution to their needs.
• Visit a few assisted living communities with no obligation required. If Mom or Dad seems amenable to the idea, go tour a few communities with them. This can help them get warmed up to the idea of what a community is really like, and why moving there may be a better idea than they originally thought.
• Be patient. If you don’t need to make an urgent move, it’s best to give your loved one space and not push them into a decision. Bring up the idea but with caution. If you can get them to make the decision on their own, it will be a much less stressful situation for everyone.

After the Move

There are a lot of articles out there about how to successfully make the literal move into a senior living community; however, what is important is to understand that the move is not the last stage of the journey. After your parents have moved into a community, you’ll find that you and they will still be dealing with the upheaval and emotions that come from this big move. 

Your parents may be mourning the loss of their previous lifestyle, and you may be feeling that as well. You may second-guess the decision. Guilt is inevitable, but it’s important to understand that what you’re feeling is completely normal – and temporary. Here are some strategies to keep in mind after your parent’s move to help you come to a state of acceptance and transition.

Take your time. It’s estimated that it takes anywhere from three to six months for an individual to fully adjust to living in a new environment such as assisted living. It could take longer for your parents or it could be a shorter amount of time. Nonetheless, it will take some amount of time. When you have doubts, think about the reasons you made the decision and keep the big picture in mind. 

Visit according to the recommendations of the staff. You may want to visit every day or only a few times during those first few weeks. Only you know your parent, but the staff may be able to help guide you towards an appropriate visiting schedule. Visiting too frequently could cause stress, and not visiting enough could make your parent feel lonely. The best thing to do is play it by ear and see what works best for you and your parent. 

Expect setbacks. This won’t be an easy transition. Just when you think everything is fine, your parent may tell you they’re lonely or that they want to go home. Understand that these heart wrenching moments are normal and will pass as your loved one adjusts to their new lifestyle.

Accept the new normal. This is the new normal for you and your loved one, and as you move forward, it will become easier to manage the emotions. After the initial transition period, you may be surprised at just how enjoyable and fulfilling life becomes for your loved one – and yourself.

Beautiful Riverfront Community

Located on the banks of the Charles River, Waterstone is Wellesley’s only senior living community, offering premier independent and assisted living. But that’s only the first of many differences that sets Waterstone above and beyond other communities.

Celebrating Dynamic Living

Here our residents live independently in their own private, spacious apartments – but without any of the worries or concerns of homeownership or living alone. All meals are expertly prepared. There aren’t any chores to be concerned with. No home maintenance or repairs to worry about. Just opportunities around every corner and time to spend as they choose – in the company of new friends.

Our vibrant community encourages residents to engage in a variety of recreational, cultural and social programs and activities. Enjoy a fitness class. Swim in the sunny indoor pool. Take a stroll on a walking path. Partake in a favorite hobby or pastime. Discover a new interest. With Waterstone at Wellesley, there’s a world of opportunity waiting right outside our residents’ doors.

Confidence of Care

The hallmark of Waterstone assisted living is the peace of mind we provide both our residents and their families. Knowing that care and support is available right on site instills a sense of confidence and calm one can’t find living alone.

For prospective residents or their families interested in residing at Waterstone at Wellesley, please contact us at 781.591.7113.

What is the secret to staying young? It turns out that exercise may be the key – in many different ways. Exercise has a powerful impact on our emotional, mental and physical health and can actually slow down the aging process. 

“Exercise helps keep us younger and revitalizes our spirit,” says Kevin Defayette, Executive Director of Waterstone at the Circle. “Many research studies have shown the benefits of exercise for older adults and how it can help keep us stay vital and energized even in our senior years.”

Although exercise isn’t always the most enjoyable thing to do for everyone, says Kevin, it has proven benefits that can be reaped in micro and macro ways. “One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking that exercise needs to be an all-out commitment that requires a lot of effort,” he explains. “But that’s not the case at all. Even just a little exercise on a regular basis can help improve whole-body health and allow us to age well throughout all stages of life.”

Exercise increases energy efficiency. 

Let’s start with the idea of horsepower – also known as our “fuel efficiency.” A University of Colorado study found that seniors who regularly participate in highly aerobic activities like running have a lower metabolic cost than their more sedentary peers. In other words, older adults who exercise have a better quality of life because they’re able to move around more easily, which results in increased blood flow. Higher blood flow means more oxygenated blood and a higher ability to eliminate waste in the body. Increased blood flow nourishes skin cells, purges toxins and overall increases the health of our bodies. 

Posture improves. 

It may sound vain, but standing up straight and having a healthy posture is one of the easiest ways to shave years off your appearance. Unfortunately, as we get older, our muscle tone and bone density decreases, which results in a deceased ability to keep a healthy posture. Strength training such as aerobic exercise, weight training and resistance bands can help rebuild muscle and prevent bone loss while also taking care of your core. This has the added benefit of keeping joints strong, which helps you be more active, feel better and act younger. 

Flexibility increases. 

Any type of exercise improves our flexibility, whether it be anaerobic or aerobic. However, Pilates and yoga in particular are highly at increasing flexibility and body elasticity. If you’re a rather inflexible person, that simply means you’re the perfect person to try these forms of exercise. Increasing flexibility reduces the risk of injuries, improves balance, and helps center emotions, all which result in a healthier, longer and more stable life. 

Mental capacity gets boosted. 

Mental deterioration – or should we say, the reduction of mental stimulation – is one of the primary causes of a variety of illnesses for older adults. But regular exercises can help boost mental capacity by increasing the size of our hippocampus (the part of the brain responsible for memory and learning). People who exercise have been proven to literally have the brain of someone younger, meaning they benefit from sharp mental health and the ability to learn for years longer than their peers who do not exercise on a regular basis. 

Metabolism increases. 

A healthy metabolism helps reduce the risk of obesity, heart disease, diabetes and other age-related diseases. Our metabolism naturally slows down as we age, but exercise can help boost muscle mass and calorie burn. By exercising, we keep our bodies strong and increase our ability to maintain a healthy weight, which improves our immune system and reduces our risk of disease. 

Our cells age more slowly. 

Exercise doesn’t just make you look younger – it actually makes you younger. How is this accomplished? By turning off the aging process in your chromosomes. Keeping your cells young is one of the best tools for staying young, and research has shown that exercise has this effect on our DNA. 

Telomeres – the end caps on our chromosomes – are responsible for aging. They naturally shorten as we get older, but regular exercise has been shown to help lengthen them. In other words, exercise may literally be able to help reverse the clock and help us live longer and stronger. 

Reduces stress instantly. 

Stress ages us just as much as exercise helps us live longer. Reducing stress is one of the best ways to help increase longevity, and exercise can help reduce stress like nothing else. There’s a trait known as “adaptive competence” that describes our ability to bounce back after a stressful event. If we don’t have this trait, it has an enormous impact on our longevity. However, exercise has been proven to reduce stress, making it more likely that we will live a better, happier and longer life. 

Lowers the risk of cancer. 

Many studies suggest that exercise can help reduce the risk of some cancers. One study shows that regular exercise can reduce the colon cancer risk for men by 24 percent, while other studies show that regular exercise has the potential to reduce the risk of lung cancer by up to 20 percent. It’s also been proven that exercise can help keep cancer from spreading once it’s been diagnosed. 

While most of the proven benefits of exercise have a physiological benefit, this can easily translate into a psychological benefit, says Kevin. 

“The mind and body are irrevocably linked and have such amazing influence towards each other,” he says. “Getting regular exercise keeps our physical bodies strong and healthy, which results in a better lifestyle overall for older adults. At Waterstone at the Circle, we strive to help our residents reach peak physical health to help them to live their vest retirement lifestyles possible.”

Luxury Senior Living in Boston

Waterstone at the Circle, located in Boston’s historic Cleveland Circle neighborhood, is more than just independent living in Boston … it’s a sophisticated urban setting for today’s active seniors. Enjoy best-in-class service and an urban lifestyle with arts and cultural, and historical attractions right outside your front door. From high-end amenities to gourmet dining and more, experience the best of city and suburban life at our upscale senior living community located on the crossroads of Brookline and Chestnut Hill.

Elegant Independent Living Apartments

Each of our 92 independent living apartments is the height of luxury and modernity, with sophisticated design, upscale features and stunning views of the city. Create the urban senior living experience you want with one- or two-bedroom apartments, a variety of floor plans and monthly rentals. 

Senior Living Supportive Services

As an over-62 community, residents may require support from time to time. That’s why we’ve developed an on-site coordinated care program, in cooperation with our premier community partners, that allows our independent living residents to receive the assistance they need.

The best part? Residents don’t have to leave our senior living community – or even their apartment – to receive high-quality support. They can receive the services they need, when they need it, in the comfort of their own homes or in our on-site therapy gym.

Waterstone at the Circle is the opposite of retiring . . . it’s a place to enhance your active, on-the-go lifestyle. Call 617.431.1880 for more information or to schedule a visit to our premier Boston independent living community and discover The Circle lifestyle today!